Homestuck Re-read Part 60: Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 1.

Hi, whoever is reading these. Assuming there's anyone reading actually reading this. Sorry for not having anything to say last time. I spent most of the yesterday trying to get my typescript auto-documenter thingy working properly and getting fucking nowhere with it. I think I've spent more time trying to generate documentation for my typescript scripting feature then actually implementing typescript scripting. I'm going to be starting over again today since everything is just, unworkable. :c.

We have around 123 pages of Homestuck for today. Lets get started.

Homestuck

[S] Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 1 is, extremely beautiful. We see that Jade has apparantly released the extra four lands from their original session before she went grimbark. We also see the trolls meteor about to impact Skaia. It is redirected via a portal towards a land I cannot quite identify right before everything begins to break down. She starts to do her spacey powers on it and the screen glitches out. We see mind controlled Jane, a few flickers of action before the show is frozen on just her face imposed over the incinisphere.

We are then split into four different pages, one for each additional land.

LOLAR

The text between Dave and Rose is heavily distorted. We can just about make out

TT: Sure

TT: I ... Jade ... gone grimbark.

TT: ... planets. ...

TT: ... she may have a purpose. ...

TT: John managed to elude her. ... heard from him?

LOHAC

This time we can read everything Dave and Karkat are saying. Dave doesn't know how he ended up oh LOHAC while Karkat is on LOFAF. Dave remembers that Jade zapped them off the meteor and to John before scattering them around the different planets. Karkat is with Kanaya while Dave has the mayor for company.

LOFAF

Dave and Kanaya this time. Everyone seems to have experienced a short term memory wipe. We find out Terezi is with Rose on Lolar, and that as seers they've already worked out what really happened in the missing time.

LOWAS

All we are told is that

John Egbert has gone missing.

Character selection

We get to choose between mind controlled Jane and Grimbark Jade. Al;though Jane looks a lot more glitchy.

JANE

She appears to be approaching a captive Jake English. There is some dialog, but we are unable to read it. The narrative is too gunked up with star sugar or whatever that shit Caliborn put in it.

JADE

JADE: woof

She is handling the re-imprisoned Roxy. She is going to bend her to the Condense's will.

Looks like we're having to continue with Jade's storyline.

Not that I'm complaining.

She is going to make Roxy work. Despite all the constant questioning. We also get a thing I would never be able to say.

JADE: but you may refer to me as jade, or ma'am if you are feeling especially nervous and deferential

JADE: which as it turns out is the way you should be feeling about me, ALWAYS >:B

Roxy remains uncooperative until It's literally shoved in her face.

We finally get to find what her task was: To somehow create a new matriorb. Also accompanied by some explanation of the role of a rogue of void.

JADE: imagine that your title is roughly synonymous with "one who steals nothing"

JADE: what do you think it means to be able to steal nothing?

ROXY: it means

ROXY: im like a shitty cat burglar who sucks at her job?

JADE: WRONG

JADE: it means just the opposite

JADE: it means you can steal the essence of nothingness from something

JADE: you can rob nothingness from an idea if you put your mind to it

JADE: effectively allowing you to conjure virtually anything out of thin air

because void players are the coolest and bestest players, obviously. 100% unbiased opinion supported entirely by the facts.

Jade also tries to motivate Roxy by telling her it's a moral imperative to help resurrect a race of people killed by Lord English, and also that Jade will repeatedly kill her over and over again until she decides to follow orders.

JADE: i will just keep on killing you again and again>

JADE: until you finally get tired of dying and follow your orders

ROXY: maaan

ROXY: evil jade is sucky jade

JADE: i believe you will find i am the suckiest jade there is

Roxy decides to give it a go, but conjures a perfectly generic object instead. She needs to practice building a thought from baser thoughts and concepts to create a complex idea/thought/object that she can steal the unreality of. Jade leaves to begin tracking down Egbert.

ANOTHER CHARACTER SELECTION SCREEN

This one will last us about 80 pages. We've got three options this time. LOHAC, LOFAF and LOLAR. Where is John Egbert?

LOHAC (again)

Dave's house seems to have fallen to a salamander incursion. Also the mayor is there. Dave is revisiting his bedroom for the first time in 3 years. He really misses Jade. I genuinely didn't remember or realize he had a poster of Dirk's robots. Remember when he had fossils and dead remains and such.

While laughing at some selfies John appears behind him suddenly.

John immediately leaves again, after promising to catch up soon. He narrowly avoids meeting Jade. But she's here for Dave, this time. She needs something alcehmetized(?) it seems. She wants to give him a weapon that can harm Lord English. Looks like the Condensce is going to try and arm everyone up against him, in addition to whatever other plans she has going.

She produces a cueball, the one that somehow made it's way to Rose from Doc Scratch. Jade seems unimpressed with Dave, finding him to not be as mature as she expected, and still focused on avian matters.

The sword Caledfwlch is produced. The same legendary piece of shit that Dave broke and davesprite gave to hephaestus to repair which became deringer. Jade diagnoses Karkat's seeming immaturity as too much time alone with Karkat.

DAVE: i need help :(

LOFAF (again)

We see that Karkat has encountered Jade and Jane. Jade is seemingly, in possession of the earth. I don't remember how she got that. Oh, she apparently jumped in and out and grabbed it at some point while Bec Noir was blasting it. Looks like it was post-scratch earth, though? We also see that Jane doesn't talk much while mind controlled.

JANE: .

and

JADE: this is jane btw. say hi jane

JANE: .

JADE: lol

JADE: jane is actually my biological mother believe it or not

Karkat and Kanaya are tasked with preparing the genesis frog, or well, negotiating with Echidna for it's release. Grimbark Jade is seemingly unwelcome in her domain, but Kanaya and Karkat have been requested instead. They are, as expected, unwilling to cooperate. Leading to more threats.

Jane decides to demonstrate the effects of extreme violence on Karkat. Meanwhile John appears, momentarily distracting Jade. She manages to jump him this time.

Karkat is raised from the dead by Jane. His second coming is witnessed by John shortly before his escape.

Jade is angered.

LOLAR (again)

Everything is a lot more glitchy here. Rose is stuck with Terezi. The brightness of the place is causing them both problems. God I love these two. Seeing them talk about being drunks / alien drunks is really funny.

ROSE: Let's do it. I declare Rainbow Rumpus Rehab Town is now in session.

Although Terezi is a lot less into the idea. She's still recovering from becoming sighted(? Is that how you phrase it?) again and the major sensory remapping going on as well as being so over human irony. She's also noticing the glitches.

The scene descends into corruption while Rose looks fucking awesome with Terezi's shades.

Everything is fucking incomprehensible. John is seemingly able to help reduce it, by doing the windy thing.

John is there! He remembers things no one else does yet, like apparently Terezi threatening to cut his throat as a joke and them all hanging out before Jade scattered everyone. He begins to elaborate his retcon powers to Rose. He feels 'unstuck' in existence, unbounded by the narrative. Rose gives him some instructions: Try to find the alpha kids and tell them backup has arrived. Rose tries to think of a message to give to Roxy, so she doesn't notice Jade appear.

He escapes just in time. Right before she works out what to tell Roxy.

OK BACK TO NORMAL

Dirk is reaching out to ARQUIUSPRITE to get an update on what's happening. ARQUIUSPRITE is weirdly into Jane being fleshjacked by the Condensce's superAI. It then is about to start explaining the purpose of female trolls having breasts before Dirk tells it to shut up. It's gonna take a bit over 3 hours to get back to his land. He is also informed of the impending arrival of the other three interlopers. Davesprite seems to be hanging out with Arquiusprite too. ARQUIUSPRITE advises Dirk to reach out to Dave, before he is susddenly overtaken with glitches.

ANOTHER SELECT SCREEN

Although theres only one working option at the moment. back to Dave and Jade.

Jade is now preparing Dave for battle. He has been identified as the one who will slay Lord English, so he needs to be ready. They get side tracked for a little bit talking about how Jade doesn't need a strife specibus and can just wield arbitrary weapons. The pair prepare for a training duel.

Dave, is really not into the idea of fighting Jade, or time travel anymore either. It's like karate, the point of being good at it is so you don't have to do it. I think. I never watched the karate kid and I've still not finished Cobra Kai.

They start bickering over random bullshit like what issues Davesprite has and what is going on between that guy and Jade. She tells him that it makes him sound like an asshole to imply davesprite isn't the real Dave and accuses davesprite of turning Jade against him like a child of divorce. I think we also finally get clarification that Davesprite dumped Jade, not the other way around.

DAVE: what did i ever do to deserve this shit from you

JADE: YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!!!!

DAVE: what

DAVE: i did

DAVE: when

JADE: ok not you

JADE: davesprite did

JADE: BUT YOURE BASICALLY THE SAME GUY!

Jade is fed up with Dave and his refusal to follow orders. So the mayor gets it.

God he's fucking adorable. Dave is talking about running away with the mayor to build a real can town now.

Jade is struggling with being evil. I get you Jade, we both suck at being mean / assertive :(.

Dave tries to answer a message from Dirk but there's too much corruption interference. He doesn't even realize it isn't davesprite.

CHARACTER SELECT AGAIN

With again only one working option. To hang out with Kanaya and Karkat while they handle droned Jane. Kanaya is very upset that Jane stabbed Karkat to try and prove a point and starts insisting that she could be killed via conventional methods while Karkat hides amongst the trees in the background.

KANAYA: I Dont Think She Is Very Good At Being A Villain And To Be Honest I Have My Doubts About You As Well So I Am Calling Your Bluff!

KANAYA: So If You Continue To Insist That Your Healing Enchantments Have The Power To Slay Me Then I Implore You To Give It Your Best Shot!

KANAYA: Go On Do It!

KANAYA: DO YOUR HUMAN WORST!

JANE: Silence, buster.

I have to admit, "Silence, Buster." made me fucking cackle.

We are apparently going to watch and learn. She also sells blood, apparently. Kanaya wants to buy in bulk.

That is it for today's upd8. Thank you all for reading and goodnight.