Homestuck Re-read Part 43: A6A3 AGAIN.
I am becoming more and more conscious of the fact I've not started migrating this web server to my new server and that the more stuff I write here the more pages I am going to have to migrate. It shouldn't be too bad, especially since on this server every page is defined by toml config files so I could probably write a script to convert them if it gets too far gone. But still, I don't know what I'm waiting for.
Anyway
Homestuck
Jane continues the search for her father. She finds her father's wallet and grabs the car. Talking to the auto responder, we see one of the other problems of a void session. No minions means no XP and no grist grist as drops, so they quickly resort to shredding random parts of the environment.
Roxy and Dirk are in a lot of danger at the moment. Drone assaults are trying to force them into the medium as part of the condense's plan. We catch up with UU again, but she seems rather down. Nowhere near as chipper as normal. Her dreams on Prospit show a Skaia cloaked in a strange darkness, and her brother problems are escalating; soon it will be kill or be killed. Killing him presents it's own problems as well, Sburb requires a minimum of two players.
We learn more about her and her brother and this strange game they've been forced into since birth. - No hemotyping[^1] - No names are to be used with humans - No breaking various badly defined and shifting rules - The winner receives the other's JuJu[^2]
We then cut to Dirk talking with uu
uu: I WANT TO PLAY A FuCKING GAME WITH YOu.
uu: I WOuLD LIKE YOu TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.
He wants Dirk to play some kind of porn game, despite the fact he's quite busy. The autoresponder eventually convinces him to go back in time and play it then. By porn game is essentially seems to mean "Draw me unspecified pornography or I will execute UU." It takes a bit to determine what he actually wants Dirk to draw though, because his head is so far up his own ass. He finally begins to explain his "commission": No nudity, no sex. Draw the Dirk kissing Jane. Oh, sorry. That wasn't it, get rid of the grope. Make her call you beautiful and tell her you love her. uu is a fucking weird guy man. Jake and Roxy aren't left out of this bizarre fucking sidequest, unfortunately.
In the future, Dirk's good rapbot is showing up to save him from drones. But instead of a cool strife flash we are still reading this bizarre interaction. uu says something, horrible, really.
uu: MAYBE YOuR IRREVERENCE FOR MY GAME. STEMS FROM THE FACT THAT YOu DON'T GIVE A FLYING FuCK ABOuT MY IDIOT SISTER?
uu: HA. LIKE I COuLD EVEN BLAME YOu. WHAT A CLOYING WINDBAG SHREW. SHE IS WORTHLESS TO EVERYBODY. I THINK YOu THINK SO TOO.
uu: YOu KNOW. YOu'RE AN ALRIGHT GuY. FOR A MONSTROuS FuCKuP LEAGuES BENEATH ME IN EVERY WAY THAT EXISTS.
eghhuhg. Horrible thought. This part I do remember from reading before, but I don't remember it being this long. We get another round but this time it's Jane and Roxy's unfortunate team up. uu loves calling them bitches for some reason. We do learn though that this is a strange, almost point of mutual interest for uu and UU, it's just that uu seems to enjoy this in, whatever way he is enjoying this that she would definitely not approve of.
He does not demand any images depicting Jake and Dirk together, but he does supply us some lines that sound straight out of the old timecube website.
uu: YOu MAY THINK YOu'RE SMART. BuT EXCESSIVE SMARTNESS CAN MAKE YOu BE MORE OF AN IDIOT.
uu: INTELLIGENT IDIOCY CAN BE EASILY EXPLOITED BY THE CuNNING AND RuTHLESS. JuST A TIP FOR YOu. BRO.
He sounds like he's almost at the point of calling Dirk an educated stupid. Also every time he says bitch/bitches I get closer to hearing him with Zimos voice from Saints Row: The Third.
- We find out what the twist is. UU was already dead when this conversation happened. Her dreamself, anyway.
- Red Miles.
He paid Jack to whack her, or in his words.
uu: TO GET HIM TO GO TO PROSPIT.
uu: AND KNIFE A BITCH.
The agents and Prospitians in uu/UUs session seem different. They're all wearing dark clothes for some reason. Skaia really is covered in a dark cloud too.
ARANEA!
Anyway, it's suddenly time for us to be at a meeting of ghosts and meteor people! Kanaya, Dave and Karkat are all jumping Meenah! Jake, Rose and Terezi are confused while Araena is panicking. The mayor is there and so is Roxy! Meenah is trying to stab people. It's a fucking mess. Things between Meenah and Aranea seem kinda tense. But they seem to make up a little bit towards the end. Meenah and nubbyshouts seem to get along, which is kinda surprising.
Dave and Rose debate trying to wake up Roxy. They're unsure if it's possible, seeing as she hasn't woke up at all yet and no one has any yarn or cheap cigars.
ROSE: (What should I make of the fact that the phallic imagery you've selected is not only inexpensive, but is administered freely and mirthfully to other expecting fathers?)
ROSE: (Or that the object standing in for the phallic symbol is something you're proposing to throw at our mother's head!)
We also learn a little bit about the doomed timeline Davesprite is from, Rose became an alcoholic because there wasn't much else to do. Roxy keeps reacting to things they're saying somehow. They however get told to stop being distracted and stay on topic. Aranea starts explaining how the ancestor trolls died but Meenah decides to give a quick version: She blew them all up so they could survive the scratch as ghosts.
Funnily enough, we see their session also had a tumor. Which is kinda surprising since we previously thought that was the result of Karkat messing up the genesis frog. At least with the association between cancer and tumours, seeing as he only names Jack as the cancer but the session also had a tumour. Either way though, this means the tumor doesn't seem to have been a unique feature of the beta kids session?
Anyway, Aranea is not a fan of the abridged story.
ARANEA: You left out so much! All the intrigue, the complicated interpersonal relationships, the 8ackstory, the responsi8le pacing.
ARANEA: Where was the WORLD 8UILDING, Meenah?
She then starts having a little bit of a breakdown that feels a little bit too relatable. She just quickly recaps all of the stuff with everyone except Meenah and Feferi and the Condense. Meenah pouts a bit so she gives a quick version of the Condense's history up to the 'present' which prompts Jake to realize Meenah 'is' the batterwitch and resolves to 'kill sea hitler' immediately. By jumping at her and screaming "DIE FISH HITLER DIE"
DAVE: oh shit grandpa egbert juniordad totally snapped
JAKE: OVER MY DEAD BODY AM I GONNA LET YOU STICK A PAIR OF STINKIN JUGGALOS IN THE WHITEHOUSE!
Terezi can see brain!dirk. Damn seers and their vision bullshit.
Aranea bonks Jake and he wakes up. Meenah seems to be having a great time though, imagining herself as the Condense.
Brainghost Dirk seems to still, be alive? Or Exist? Despite the fact Jake is awake now and he was seemingly a mental projection of his.
JAKE AWAKE
UU left a note for him while he was out cold hanging out with cute spider girls. Things are heating up between her and uu, she's scared to go to sleep incase he gets her. She also tells Jake to try shrinking the massive item in his sylladex to save some space. I've genuinely forgotten what the giant item is, it might be the other fenestrated wall? But who knows.
Oh it's, a part of Jade's destroyed house? I think. He shrinks it and it bounces away. He'll have to get it in a bit, right now the time capsule is about to open. It shouldn't really be a suprise whats in it, since it's the big mess of weapons Liv Tyler has when John got her. Although the fact something else is gonna pop out of the capsule in an hour is a bit concerning. Jake writes the note for John and ships Liv off back to Jade.
ALIEN CHESS
We see a part of the 'game' between UU and uu involving a literal game of alien chess. Or maybe human chess with some unique looking pieces. There is a gambit in play, somehow related to the queen on uu's side it seems. UU keeps beating him. I don't know enough about chess to analyze the gameplay here, but it looks a lot to me like UU is effectively bullying uu's "king" quite badly, repeatedly placing them in check. It eventually "ends" with "checkmate".
The 'enchantment' is revealed. The king was the queen and the queen was the king. uu takes the prankster's gambit. No 'rules' were violated either, only a player was deceived. uu asked permission to swap the king and queen but ultimately didn't and played them appropriately as what they truly were. "The game continues past the death of the king."
The tide turns until UU flips the board. The game (and upd8) ends with a rather ominous monologue.
uu: YOu BLOCKED ME AGAIN? YOu KNOW THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.
uu: ANYWAY. I'M HAPPY WE ARE IN AGREEMENT THAT I WON.
uu: YOu SHOuLDN'T uNDERESTIMATE ME.
uu: I'LL LEAVE YOu ALONE FOR A WHILE LIKE YOu WANT. BECAuSE REALLY. WHO CARES ABOuT YOu?
uu: BuT YOu SHOuLD BELIEVE ME.
uu: WHEN I TELL YOu.
uu: SOME DAY.
uu: I'M GOING TO KILL YOu IN YOuR SLEEP.
uu: MAYBE EVEN.
uu: MORE THAN ONCE.
Thank you for reading.
[^2]: In homestuck a JuJu is an artifact which is globally unique across paradox space, often believed to have hard to trace or no actual origin. They have mysterious powers and rules governing them.