Homestuck Epilogues 8: MORE CANDY.

It's time for more candy! The start to it yesterday was fucking weird but not bad, so I'm really excited to see where it goes.

Homestuck Epilogues

Candy 9

KARKAT: CHECK IT OUT. A GIANT BILLBOARD OF JAKE ENGLISH COMPLETE WITH A GYRATING MECHANICAL ASS.

• They made a mechanical ass with the correct ass-feel
• Jade has tricked Karkat and Dave into a date

...She answers for him by leaning down and planting a dry, affectionate kiss on Karkat’s cheek. He yelps and leaps away like he’s been scalded by a burning iron

• She is now trying to pin the kiss on Dave
• Jade is normal pilled

DAVE: why would i kiss karkat ive never even once thought about kissing karkat

DAVE: how would you even fucking do it

DAVE: hes so

DAVE: petite

• Dave proceeds to place his foot inside his mouth once more
• Dave proceeds to hit the fucking bricks
• Jade just let Karkat fall down a fucking hill

JADE: well i guess im eating grub spaghetti alone

JADE: *again*!!!

Candy 10

• What IS happening with Calliope
• Gender,

ROXY: i mean my idea of a date for the longest time was drinkin a whole bottle of wine alone while cryin in front of my laptop screen

• Oh, mood
• Dave is here!

DAVE: anyone can be a dude if they really want thats part of the beauty of living in this brand new world with none of the baggage our old world had like gender and sexuality and relationships only involving a very specific number of people

• I love Dave

Candy 11

• I don't think Dave is that inscrutable I think John might just be not very good at scrutinizing

DAVE: i was saying huh because that sure was a coherent egbertian thesis on the state of the davekat situation

• There IS a gay snooze button
• John knows Jade is trying to fuck Dave and Karkat

JOHN: well it probably helps that jade literally said the words to me... and i may be paraphrasing here, but...

JOHN: “hey john, i’m gonna fuck dave and karkat!”

• Apparently Terezi isn't talking to anyone else
• And as a result as a group they've retired talking about flipping coins in her honour.
• They got kicked out of the restaurant
• Dave is going to seek our Dirk

Candy 12

• Oh Dear?
• The economy is stable!
• They even did the lollipop...
• Poor Jane

Candy 13

• Dirk doesn't seem to be home
• Instead, Gamzee is??
• Oh god Dirk is giving Gamzee instructions
• 2/3rds of the unholy trinity

GAMZEE: YoU dOn’T gOt AnY nEeD tO gO aNd CoNcErN yOuRsElF wItH hIs MoRtAl FlEsH bOdY oUt HeRe In ThIs CaNdYcAnE wHiRlPoOl BeYoNd ThE iNfInItE bLaCk WiNk Of ThE wIcKeD sInGuLaRiTy, My NiNjA.

• So Candy is on the other side of the black hole from meat
• Robot in the celler
• Rosebot? Or possibly Davebot? There was a Davebot at the end of meat

Stopping Point

And that's all for tonight! Candy continues to be extremely strange compared to meat, and I am hoping that we will start getting some answers in the next chapter, if only because I saw it starts with the words

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you know what you must do.